A letter to you nine years later.

***Disclaimer and pre-story***
Nine years ago,on February,1st,2005 a friend of mine who I,as well as many people loved took his own life.He was seventeen. Seventeen. It’s like a lifetime away,but I remember it like it was yesterday. Evan was the,”new guy” at school. I met him a few years prior to him coming to our school. He began dating a friend of mine,his ex girlfriend was upset about this,so she started many rumours about him. He was bullied and beat up at school,outside of school,cyber bullied. What happened? Nothing. Nothing happened. Now granted since then bulling is taken very seriously,and continues to be in the lime light,not brushed under the rug. However;I wanted to share this so no one forgets what it was life before the pink shirts and the day on the god damn calendar. If you are reading this and you feel depressed,suicidal or are being bullied PLEASE!! Take this letter to heart,because its from my heart.Talk about it to the person you trust the most,ask them to help you share it,you do not have to do this alone. Tell your teacher,tell your doctor. You,you’re life your heart is more powerful than the person or people bulling you. These are weak miserable people. Their issue is not your issue,the words are lies and your life is worth fighting for. Evan could be you,me,the kid sitting next to you,your teachers..yeah,plot twist,adults feel helpless as well. We all need help. I will be twenty-five next month and I would give anything to have him be here for it. Below is my journal entry from feb,2nd,2014 in the form of a letter to Evan.

” Nine years. Nine years worth of things I want to tell you,photos you should have been in,things you should have been here for and questions with no answer. It feels like yesterday. I remember the song that was on my head phones,where I was,the feeling of being punched in the throat with shock,where the sun was positioned in the sky Christ I remember how the cold air tasted.
I often wonder if you knew how many hearts you would break,lives that would be forever changed, moments that happened you would have loved. Would you still have picked up that gun?
I wish you could see how great ——– is doing. She’s a nurse,engaged and had the most beautiful little girl. She looks so much like her. ——- is married and the sweetheart she always is. ——-is a nurse as well and still has the prettiest smile and the bubbly laugh.
I always wonder where you would have gone? How soon things would have changed if you could have held on a little bit longer,what kind of man would you be today? I tried so hard to talk to you,I stood up for you constantly. —,——- and ——– tried there hardest to talk you out if it that day,you were to far away for them to get to you. She sent your dad. Than you were gone. I wish I would have had a vacuum to suck out every ounce of pain in you. I’d carry it myself if that would mean you would be here.
I wish you would have been here to see the truth come out. To see every person involved,who were so ignorant to their actions and
the truth until it was to late. The girl,(nice with my words here) admitted that she lied in a bawling scene of attempted redemption. The guys who tormented you,once the truth was know quickly shut up as they were showed up for being drones and one of the reasons your not here.
I can wish all I want. I can’t bring you back. A mental illness fuelled and pushed along by bullying. That’s what took you from us. That’s the hardest part to swallow.
I promise to make sure your name and life will never be forgotten,that your death won’t be in vain. I will find a way or make a way to make sure to advocate,create programs,talk,write and never ever stop fighting. If even one person is saved from going through what you did. To make something you would be proud of. I promise.”


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